So Sup, was never going to let this out but here i am
I appreciate you reading it, but please don't hold your expectations too high because I'm not a poet. These are only a handful of the poems I've posted; there are many more that I'm still afraid to release.
THE PARADOX WITHIN
I am weird sometimes
I apologize a lot, even for small things
Even when it's not my mistake
I am trying to heal
But I hurt myself at the same time
I justify myself and my actions a lot
Even though there is no explanation needed
I have a happy personality
But a sad soul
I cry a lot, not just crying but wailing, bawling, or sobbing
Even for small things
I am dedicated to growth
But I self-sabotage
I love deeply
Even though I believe love is an illusion
I am really weird sometimes
THE WHAT IF'S
What if I go back and everything has changed
Not just everything but everyone has changed
What if I am never really missed?
And they are actually happier without me?
What if I was just an option that they had to pick, or a choice to select?
What if my presence was never really valued?
So does that mean my absence doesn’t make a difference?
What if I walk away and am never even asked to stay?
What if I am forgotten, just like the annotation of a sad book?
What if I am invisible, like the air in the atmosphere?
What if my every favorite thing was just an illusion?
What if the voices in my head are real?
What if I become the person they say I am?
What if I choose to die instead of to live?
WILL YOU ?
The traumas I have dealt with
Are not something I will ever be able to talk about
But if I ever tell you
Will you listen to me?
Will you put up with all my acts, because I do that because of my traumas?
Will you tell me it's alright and hold me tight so I don't have to worry now?
The traumas I have dealt with
Have taught me many things in life
And have also ruined many things in my life
Will you understand me?
Will you cry with me?
Will you be the one whom I can fully trust?
The traumas I have dealt with
Always disturb me in my daydreaming
They make the reality scary
Will you make it easier for me?
Will you help me overcome it?
The traumas I have dealt with
Make me insane and hard to stay with
Will you still choose me every day?
Will you always love me the same?
Will you do all these things
Or, I wonder,
Will you just hurt me exactly after knowing how I can be broken apart?
Or
Will you just be the reason for another trauma?
THEY SAY
They say healing takes time
But never even give an estimated time
They say it's better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all
But if that love completely breaks you apart?
Is there no solution for that?
They say things get better with time,
Is mine the only case where it's getting worse?
They say fake it until you make it
But what if I become someone else while faking it?
They say pretending will make it easier
But no one even realizes that I am pretending
They say letting someone go is love
But what if I am selfish and don't want to let go?
They say it's all in your head
Then why does it feel so real?
Comments
And to reply to some of your lines,
You may be weird but in the best way possible! And everyone is a little weird lol, what the fun in being not weird. The way you feel for everyone’s emotions and the empathy you have is really admirable. I know I am the one who used to say that you need to learn to be rude and selfish but being the way you are may be difficult but it is what makes you you. And you are amazing. Never change.
I know things have been a little different but I promise you that I am always there for you. No matter what happens. And how could a person like you be invisible! You light up any room you enter. And you matter so much to me and so many other people! We all reallly miss you.
Just remember whenever you want to talk or cry or rant I am just a phone call away. Doesn’t matter what time it is or the circumstances or when we last talked.
I am reallly glad that you’re able to talk about the stuff you’re going through now. You’ve made so much progress and grown so much. I hope you heal from the things you don’t talk about. Love youu ❤️